summer memories

As the days of summer approach, I am reminded of my past days a little more every day. The sun goes higher, and the gap in my heart deepens. I look at my life the same way I look at the clear afternoon summer sky, with squinted eyes, restricting the amount of light that goes in. As to why I do that, I don't really know. I think I'm falling into "the phase" once again, where nothing feels right, nothing feels wrong, nothing feels dull, nothing feels bright; nothing feels like home. I procrastinate and contemplate life on my bed with piles of unread yellow-paged books on one side and my worn-out pillows on the other. Even that doesn't feel familiar. I feel like I'm living in an ever-going marathon. In this marathon, each day blends into the next, leaving me feeling like a bystander in my own life, watching as it unfolds without my full participation. The weight of unfulfilled tasks and unanswered questions hangs heavy in the air, suffocating any sense of clarity or direction. I find myself lost in a maze of thoughts, unable to decipher the path forward. Each decision feels like a monumental burden, laden with the fear of making the wrong choice. And so, I retreat further into myself, seeking solace in the familiar embrace of solitude. Yet, even in the quietude of my own company, the echoes of uncertainty reverberate endlessly. It's as if I'm suspended in a perpetual state of limbo, neither here nor there, neither moving forward nor backward. The days of summer stretch out before me, promising warmth and light, yet I find myself shrouded in a perpetual darkness, unable to break free from the chains of my own mind. Time feels like a relentless enemy, constantly reminding me of its unstoppable march forward. I yearn for something solid to hold onto, something that can ground me amidst life's chaotic currents. But each moment slips away before I can fully grasp it, leaving me clutching at memories and fleeting emotions. The world carries on, seemingly unaware of the inner turmoil I wrestle with. I find myself caught between the pull of the past dreams and the demands of the present, unable to fully embrace either. Summer now serves as a stark reminder of time's cruel irony of not being able to turn it back. As I look up at the clear sky, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever find my footing in the vast uncertainty that lies ahead.